one year.

it has been one year since my first love/best friend passed away.

we didn’t have the best falling out when we broke up, but we still remained amazing friends. we would talk on the phone frequently – each of us complaining about the person we were dating and the city we were living in at time, and then making a pact to be together as soon as we moved closer together. why couldn’t we do a long distance relationship? well we tried it when we went off to college, but we both needed daily attention and love, so it never really worked. but every time we would see each other, even if only for a day, our feelings would always pick up where they left off.

he was the most attractive boy i ever dated [sorry, guys] – and not just because of his looks, but because of his personality too. he was confident [and cocky], strong willed, funny and goofy, romantic, opinionated, sexy, determined, etc. he was also the smartest person i had ever met.

we always used to say that we would have two twin boys [even though twins didn’t run in either of our families]. they would be named logan and landon – and they would be wrestlers, just like their dad. it pains me to hear those two names now.

even though we took completely different paths, my thoughts always went back to him – and still do. i had always hoped that we would be reunited again, and that our relationship would be better and more mature a second time around. but, of course, that never happened.

after a year, though, it has gotten a little easier. there are times when i see the sun shining through my window, or hear a song that reminds me of him – and i’ll either smile or i’ll cry. but i don’t think it will ever be easy. knowing that he is not here, growing, learning, aging, experiencing… that’s the most heart-wrenching of all.

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One Comment to “one year.”

  1. You were the first girl that he ever dated that I liked. I hated it when you guys left for different colleges and yet he seemed so happy and so very very lucky to get that scholarship from Purdue. I don’t know what to say to you but I want you to be happy for your sake, for my sake and for Jeremy. I am not afraid to die because of him. Do no be afraid to live because of him. He will be there at the end of our journey and that is what I look forward to someday.

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