Archive for December, 2010


no resolutions. just progress.

it’s that time again. that time when you evaluate the past year, in hopes of making the next one better. but let’s be real – how many people actually keep their resolutions list around, let alone fulfill them? not many. and definitely not me. instead, im going to try and make progress in my life.

my past year was extremely eventful – a rollercoaster, to say the least. the loss of a loved one shook my whole life around. but then i met an amazing man. and in may, i graduated college. in october, i moved to a different state. now, i am living with a boy. and working a big girl job [which is a pain in the butt, but a total blessing].

in between the crazyness and stress of the past year, i seemed to have forgotten about myself. so, this coming year is all about… ME. well, sorta. it’s basically going to be about making me a well-rounded human being instead of a lump on a log. case in point – adam and i got a wii for christmas [thanks mom!] and the day after we played the boxing game, i was sore. like, old lady/can’t move kind of sore. i learned that i am waaay outta shape and need a workout routine asap.

there are other things i want to work on too – like my finances. my goal is to get out of debt [minus my $33,000 student loan, of course (fml)] by the end of the year – in addition to opening one short term and one long term savings account and an IRA. and now that i have a little medical insurance, i really want to build a support system in this city while i am here. that means finding a good doctor, dentist, chiropractor.

so… 2011 isn’t going to be about making promises i won’t keep – it will be about making lifestyle changes & eventually seeing progress within myself and the life around me.


fa la la la.

here’s a little holiday cheer for you :]



as i rolled over in bed and looked at the clock this morning, the past week snowballed onto me and i immediately realized that i had finally entered adulthood.

a] my sleep schedule has become 10-7. every day. even today – a saturday – my day off. i went to bed at 1030 [on a friday night – who am i?]. woke up at 7. tossed/turned until 8. lame.

b] i don’t really remember the last time i went out with the girls to dance and get my drink on. maybe for graduation? i just cannot hold my liquor anymore – four drinks and i am donezo. i don’t have the energy to go out until midnight, let alone 2am. who am i kidding – i don’t even have the energy to go out unless the sun is shining. so lame.

c] on wednesday, i get a humongous paycheck. what am i going to doing with it? pay bills. and more bills. what’s worse is that i am looking forward to it! i have all of my bills lined up on my desk, and as soon as my direct deposit goes through, i’ll start checking them off my list with glee. double lame.

don’t get me wrong, i still have little kid tendencies – i am eating captain crunch as i write this, & im uber excited to go to the zoo on sunday – but in the end, i have turned into an adult. an adult i don’t recognize.


one year.

it has been one year since my first love/best friend passed away.

we didn’t have the best falling out when we broke up, but we still remained amazing friends. we would talk on the phone frequently – each of us complaining about the person we were dating and the city we were living in at time, and then making a pact to be together as soon as we moved closer together. why couldn’t we do a long distance relationship? well we tried it when we went off to college, but we both needed daily attention and love, so it never really worked. but every time we would see each other, even if only for a day, our feelings would always pick up where they left off.

he was the most attractive boy i ever dated [sorry, guys] – and not just because of his looks, but because of his personality too. he was confident [and cocky], strong willed, funny and goofy, romantic, opinionated, sexy, determined, etc. he was also the smartest person i had ever met.

we always used to say that we would have two twin boys [even though twins didn’t run in either of our families]. they would be named logan and landon – and they would be wrestlers, just like their dad. it pains me to hear those two names now.

even though we took completely different paths, my thoughts always went back to him – and still do. i had always hoped that we would be reunited again, and that our relationship would be better and more mature a second time around. but, of course, that never happened.

after a year, though, it has gotten a little easier. there are times when i see the sun shining through my window, or hear a song that reminds me of him – and i’ll either smile or i’ll cry. but i don’t think it will ever be easy. knowing that he is not here, growing, learning, aging, experiencing… that’s the most heart-wrenching of all.